Rude's Makeover
by Torey Taylor
Summary: Reno is sick of being overlooked and overpowered by his work partner, Rude. How can he get one over on him? By giving him a secret make-over, that's how!


Reno considered himself to be a very easygoing kind of guy. He wore his collar loose, didn't polish his shoes and wore his hair as it came; wild and a bit messy. But just because he was easygoing it didn't mean he was a lightweight when it came to his work. That's what people thought of him though. Lazy, good-for-nothing, thinks he's all that when he's not, blah blah blah.

As for his partner, Rude, well. The guy took himself _way_ too seriously. You daren't look at his shoes for fear of going blind they'd been polished that much. His suit was always immaculate, the only creases being down the sides of his trousers where the seams were. As for his head, it was almost as bright as his shoes. Reno was surprised he'd got any skin left on his head he'd polished it that much.

It was very obvious who their boss Tseng favoured, and it certainly wasn't himself. He never had the time for him. It was always "Well done Rude," and "Rude this" and "Rude that". Apparently Rude was the sort of person that Tseng could trust to get the job done. He could never fail. He could never do anything wrong.

As for that blonde bimbo Elena, she would fall at his feet every time she looked at him! According to her, he was everything she wanted in a man. And Reno? She liked to think of him as her little brother, all sweet and a little bit goofy.

Well this time, things were about to change…

* * *

It was Friday. Reno and Rude had had a tough week, mainly due to boredom. For some reason the pair of them had been assigned all the little mundane tasks around Midgar like planting evidence in the Wall Market to frame a vigilante group and kidnapping an old man who used to work for Shinra and talked too much.

Easy work, but still, it was a bit on the stressful side just because of the sheer boredom of it all. What they had to do next was report everything that they'd done to the big boss man, Tseng.

"I'm so tired," said Rude, yawning as they made their way along a winding corridor. "All this boring stuff, it's no good for us. Give me a good murder any day of the week. And anyway, a guy like me needs his beauty sleep. Do you think Tseng would mind if we stopped for a break?"

"Who cares? I think he owes us one anyway. We've done a lot for him this past week." He glanced to a side room and peered inside. It was empty. "Let's take a breather."

They stepped inside. The walls were pristine white with a few pretty posters put up on their surfaces. Against the left wall was a burgundy coloured sofa; it had a single cushion propped up on its left side. There was a coffee table in front of it and a magazine with a muscled blond man on the front of it and a title at the top of the cover: 'Hunks of Midgar'. Hmm. He didn't really fancy reading that. It must have belonged to some woman.

On the very far wall were some lockers. Reno was bored so decided to see who they belonged to: Ameira, Hela, Rhona, Bronya, Elena… they were all women!

"Hey Rude!" he yelled, whipping around. "I'm not sure we're supposed to… be in… here…"

Rude didn't really look like he cared. The black man was spark out on the sofa, his head back and his mouth open as if he was catching flies.

"Rude, wake up!"

He didn't even stir.

"Rude!"

It was no use. He was completely out of it.

_Guess I'll have to see Tseng without him, and tell him he's sleeping in the women's rest room! That'll show him!_

Reno glanced towards the lockers again and saw that one was slightly ajar. Inside was a see-through bag full of make-up. Reno's heart skipped a beat and he couldn't help but snicker to himself. He slowly pulled the bag out of the locker and unzipped it. There was so much stuff in here! All kinds of lipsticks, various shades of eyeshadow, blush powders and creams, thick black mascara... He wondered how much respect he'd get off Tseng with a face full of make-up.

_Oh boy… this should be fun!_ Reno thought to himself.

He crept up to Rude and knelt down beside him, placing the bag on the floor. He grabbed a few colours of lipstick and opened them up. There was a dashing pink one that would look great against Rude's skin tone, he thought. But hold on. There was also a bright red one that would look even better.

Carefully, and trying not to laugh, he put the lipstick against Rude's lips and coated them with a copious amount of colour.

"Beautiful," Reno whispered.

Next up, blusher. It needed to be something light and airy that would contrast with his skin tone to make it stand out. He plunged his hand into the bag again and pulled out a few shades of blusher. There were various kinds, all with weird names: Vintage Rose, Summer Pink, Hot Candy, Sugar Petal… Reno looked at them closely. Hot Candy was a vibrant kind of blusher, complete with purple sparkles. Perfect! He coated Rude's cheeks in an abundant amount of powder until they were nearly as bright as the top of his head.

He stood back. The transformation could be seen a mile off! But it wasn't complete just yet. He still had to pick out a shade of eyeshadow and put some mascara on his eyelashes. He had a look through the bag again and picked out some colours. He settled on a shade called Candy Crush. It was bright pink with red, purple, gold and silver glitter mixed in with it. He was shaking now. He just couldn't contain himself. He stood up, walked to the side of the room and had a massive giggle to himself.

"Here's the… report… for the… missionzzzzzzzzz…"

"Crap!"

Reno whizzed around on the spot, his heart in his mouth. He couldn't wake up, not yet! He rushed back to Rude's side and relief swept over him when he saw that he was still asleep. He'd just been sleep talking, that's all! Phew! But he had to act quickly now. He was beginning to stir and that was not good!

Reno carefully brushed the Candy Crush eyeshadow on Rude's fluttering eyelids. For a more dramatic effect, he extended it to just below his eyebrows. Giggling like a girl, he had to clasp his hand over his mouth to stifle it. He just looked so hilariously pretty that no one would be able to take him seriously ever again! Rude's clean and polished reputation would be ruined because of this. Maybe now Reno could step into the limelight for a change!

Last, but not least, was the mascara. He picked out the blackest, shiniest mascara and thickest applicator. Applying it could be tricky but he'd give it a go anyway. He just had to be careful and make sure his hands remained steady. He opened the bottle and pulled out the applicator. Carefully, he coated Rude's eyelashes in the stuff until they looked like hairy spider legs. Excellent!

He stood back and admired his handiwork. Rude was really starting to stir now. He put all the make-up back in the bag, zipped it up and put it back where he got it from. He started to giggle again but the ultimate test was coming up; keeping a straight face in front of Rude as they made their way up to Tseng's office.

"Rude, it's time to wake up," Reno said, tapping his shoulder.

"Ugh… uh… what! What?" He jumped up, startled. "Oh no! How long was I out for?"

"Not long. Ten minutes or so?"

"What's up with my face? It feels wrong."

"Nothing," Reno said, trying hard to stop a smile from creeping up on his face. "You look… dazzling, like you always do."

Rude gave him a quizzical look and rolled his eyes.

"It isn't very often I get a compliment from you. Are you feeling okay, Reno?"

"Sure. Anyway, come on, Tseng'll be up there waiting for us. Get a move on!"

Rude's expression changed in a flash. Now he looked cross. He folded his arms across his chest.

"Watch who you're talking to, Reno," he hissed. "Just remember, when it comes to Tseng and his favourites, I think we both know who's up there at the top. We both know who's up for the next promotion, too, so watch your tongue."

A sudden smirk found its way onto Reno's lips but he hid it just in time by pretending to cough, covering his mouth with his hands.

"Yes, Rude."

_Yeah, I know who's up for the next promotion, and it certainly isn't gonna be you! Not with all that glitter on your face!_

Rude brushed himself off and exited the women's locker room with haste. Reno followed him, his shoulders shaking as he silently laughed. They made their way through winding corridors, passing a few people on the way. The looks on their faces were enough to send Reno falling to his knees in fits of giggles. Some looked like they'd seen a ghost, and others looked uncomfortable and tried to look away. Others merely laughed as they went by.

Rude stopped suddenly in his tracks and whizzed around.

"What's everyone looking at?" he asked, his glittery eyes looking quite sheepish. His bright red lips were turned down into a frown.

"Rude, look," Reno began. "You're cool and sophisticated and, well, I'm not. We make a really odd pair, you know?"

"Oh yes. I know that!" replied Rude smugly. "So, let's get going! Time is wasting!"

"Right!"

They eventually made it to Tseng's office. Reno knocked the door three times.

"Come," Tseng replied, coolly.

"Mr. Tseng," greeted Reno and Rude in unison.

"We have completed all of our tasks and have our reports right here, Mr. Tseng," said Rude in a snobbier voice than usual.

Tseng looked up from his paperwork and eyed Rude for some time with, much to Reno's dismay, bored indifference. Then, he raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Rude." He coughed once. "I do not care what you do in your own free time. If you wish to, ahem, womanise yourself, then that is your choice. But you are at work now and this is highly unacceptable."

"Excuse me, sir?" Rude asked, nonplussed. "What do you mean?"

"Rude!" Tseng suddenly shot up from his chair. "Do not play games with me! You are a Turk, and I am your boss! Remove that junk from your face right now or I will be forced to demote you. Do you understand?"

"No!" yelled Rude, his eyes becoming more and more wide with shock. "I don't know what the heck is going on!" He turned to Reno who was now giggling like a girl, his shoulders twitching and his eyes watering. "This is all YOU! You did this to me when I was asleep!"

"Oh!" Tseng gasped. "You were asleep?"

"No! I err… I mean… err… ah no!"

"Hmm. This isn't going very well for you is it, Rude. I _was_ going to promote you, but I am afraid you've forfeited that now." He turned to Reno and smiled. "The promotion's yours if you want it. And I deeply apologise if I have overlooked your achievements in the past. So, do you still want it?"

Reno smiled at Tseng.

"That's okay," he replied, even though it really wasn't at the time. He'd been overlooked for so long by the domineering Rude that to be promoted now was dreamlike. He pinched himself. This was real. "And of course! How could I refuse?"

He glanced at Rude whose cheeks had gone an even brighter shade of red through sheer embarrassment. His one hand was rested on his forehead in dismay.

"Hey Rude! I guess now you know why all those people were looking at us funny..."

The End


End file.
